You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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