pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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