..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
