Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
