Are we in a gay sports bar?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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