He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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