You're my little dorito
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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