Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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