ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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