I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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