That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
