I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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