I hope mine doesn't look like that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
