I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize