I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we're making bets on your personal life
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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