I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
