when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
