I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
