Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
