No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
