I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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