dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
two words: eviction party
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
