Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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