went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
