I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
