we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Someone signed my nipple.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
