NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
