Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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