is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize