I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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