worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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