Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
