Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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