If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
