That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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