my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize