So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
