SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
