All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
