i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
