just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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