youre lurking in front of me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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