A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
