Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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