Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
