Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
