If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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