It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
