His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
