Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
