i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
