last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
