He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
