I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
