I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
