You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize