I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
