He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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