no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
