i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
do nipples grow back?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
