can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
