Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
