im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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