my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
