Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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