oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
