dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
